Schizopolis

Why Not Delaware?

Every four years, the political ritual starts up again. Presidential hopefuls start thronging into Iowa during the summer, giving stump speeches from corn fields and county fairs. They keep campaigning there through the fall, weighing in on ethanol subsidies and coastal elites. Finally, in January the state holds a usually orderly caucus, where a clear front-runner is announced and the entire political press moves its attention on to New Hampshire. Of course, this year was a little more complicated.

No offense to Iowa, but calling this a political tradition when it only dates back to 1972 is a bit like calling a Star Wars lunchbox an ancient antique. Why not mix it up a little and let another state have the first shot for a change? My proposal: Delaware. The state was the first to ratify the Constitution after all, and it could certainly use a bit more self-esteem these days. And imagine all the differences it would make to the political landscape:

• It’s a convenient day trip for the coastal media elites of NYC and DC.
• Large banking/corporate sector a national introduction for debate questions about the economy.
• Debates about Amtrak instead of ethanol.
• Instead of awkward shots of politicians eating corndogs, we’d instead get to see politicians noshing on Capriotti’s subs and drinking at the Dogfish Head Brewery.
• It’s far less grueling to visit every county of Delaware. There are only 3.
• If you are going to spend all summer campaigning in a single state, why not pick one with beaches?
• CNN talking heads could fill dead air by talking about the Twelve-Mile Circle or Caesar Rodney’s unfortunate medical conditions.
• Endless footage with people complaining about WARSHington, DC
• New Jersey jokes.
• Maryland jokes.
• That new Delaware House rest stop seems like the perfect place to hold a rally and confuse drivers from other states.
• Did I mention Dogfish Head?

You’ll have to agree the idea is pretty compelling. And remember, you can’t spell Delegate without Del. Okay, that slogan is not going to work, but let’s let the First State have the first choice.